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People are always asking me: “Mike, years from now, do you think advertisers will engineer a gene that’ll make people involuntarily pick up writing utensils at random and draw, for example, perfect renderings of the Burger King logo?”

I say, No. That’s ridiculous. The way it will happen is this: advertisers will alter the gene that’s responsible for Tourette’s Syndrome so that people uncontrollably shout out product names at random. For example, “No, Carol, that’s not what I mean. I do want to be with you, it’s just that I– CRISPITY! CRUNCHETY! F*CKIN… PEANUT-BUTTERY MOTHER-F*CKIN BUTTERFINGER!!” *

* Note: this is not Tourette’s swearing slipping through—this will be Butterfinger’s actual slogan.