Evening, young & vital reader. It’s Saturday night and you’re probably thinking about frenching someone later. Well, before you do, here are some…
KISSING TIPS I LEARNED IN THE LATE 1980s
- While frenching, be sure to breathe through your nose. If you breathe the same breath back and forth, someone’s going to pass out.
- As your frenching heats up, run your hands through each other’s hair. Note: never through your own hair, as this looks ridiculous.
- Though it’s tempting, it is extremely unsafe to french while sitting on the freeway during rush hour, unless you’re in a car.
- It’s important to brush your teeth before you french (unless you’re actually French). (Come on!)
- The last word spoken before you actually start frenching should never be the word “rupture”.
- If you need to open your eyes while frenching, prepare to be traumatized.
- For the girls: make your frenching a treasure hunt by hiding a coin or washer behind your tonsils.
- And finally, for the guys: If she makes even the slightest sound of pleasure, DO NOT STOP frenching for at least THREE MINUTES, even if you have to sneeze.
Now go out there and clean someone’s teeth. HnP says, “You’re ready!”